Katniss's Derpy Preggo Endeavors: A Manual to Life
by LionLion89
Summary: You should read this if A You like the Hunger Games or, B You like to celebrate what a derp Katniss truly is. LOTTA SEX AND S*IT SO DON'T READ IF YOU ARE UNDER THE MATURE LEVEL! JAI HO LEGGO READ ABOUT PREGGO'S, YO!
1. Chapter 1

_**This is for all those stupid people who's stories sound like this :D**_

_Semen in the Fish Tank: A Story About Love and Peeniss, and the Other Type of Penis._

As I woke up that morning, I realized something, something different, a different thing, something…different. And then it hit me, literally, because Peeta's a fucking freako now he has spasms and shit, but I don't care he's hot. He decided to beat me this morning with a large baguette, and by large, I mean ridiculously large, like, I don't even know how this fucking thing could fit in an oven, but whatever, it was hot.

After Peeta was finished, he decided to function like a normal human. "Hey Katniss, the baby was crying and I have no idea what that means, so tag, you're it." He handed me the precious bundle of joy named Peeniss, because we thought it would be cute to name our first child after both of us, cause it's cheesy and shit. She pissed herself again, my jolly gee willikers this baby is mentally handicapped or something, since it's already 2 months old she should use the toilet by now. I don't know. I've mentioned to him about 369,846,764 times that I don't want children, cause I have no clue about parenting.

"Peeta you dumbass, she peed herself, so change her diaper," I yelled at him. "Ohhhh, I get it," he answered, and added "Since it's your birthday today I'm gonna take you to Sea World, but Haymitch is gonna watch Peeniss for us." OH SHIT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I completely forgot, probably from the mental trauma Peeta has put me through in the past 5 years. "Okay, I'll go drop her off."

As I walked down the block, this is what I saw, everybody stopped and started staring at mua. Probably since I didn't care to put on pants. So, when I got to Haymitch's house, I didn't care to say a word to him, cause he seems like he knew what he was doing. "I ran out of formula so is Vodka okay?" he stammered out. "Yeah, that's fine," I said as I walked down the steps.

When I got back home, Peeta packed up everything we needed, which was nothing! He's very thoughtful. Since it's the future we flew to Sea World in like .001 seconds. "Okay, I have something special for you!" Peeta said. I followed him to the tank with the giant whales that sometimes are in the news for eating someone. It was full of children. I hate children. Prim was a child. PRIIMMM NOOOO!

Peeta said something I've never heard him say before, "Katniss, we is gonna trash this partay and have sex right in dat tank gurl." I replied, "Peeta stop drinking Peeniss' baby Benadryl , It's not good for big boys." We started to climb in the tank, already naked, cause I'm really good at taking off clothes oober fast. Then, Peeta's HUGE cock got an erection. But since I'm kinda dikey, I'm super good at sex. He put his dick in my tight katniss (get it it's kinda punny) and started pushing me against the clear tank wall, and I could hear the children scream. Good, I hate children. "OMG KATNISS YOU IS SO GOOD AT THIS!" Peeta screamed, and I said, "OOPS IM DONE, I just climaxed." As he pulled out he seemed a little sad, like he wasn't finished. So I put my mouth on his penis, now covered in nasty ass chlorinated water, and started sucking him harder than ever before. Then his big moment came. As cum exploded into his condom, it's powerful baker swag couldn't contain itself, and it broke in my mouth. I tried to swallow as much as possible, but it just was coming in buckets. I coughed and it exploded all over my face. He giggled, "Katniss you is so ghetto gurl." "Thanks whore," I said back. As we left the tank, I noticed that all of the kiddies there had huge erections and cum everywhere. The girl on fire is such a good influence. Cum was filled in the tank, so we decided to go home.

Peeta picked up Peeniss from Haymitch's house, and she so so hammered omg HILARIOUS! We put her to sleep and went to bed, still covered in baker semen. "That was the best birthday ever PEETAAAA THEENKS!" I said. "you're welcome slut, goodnight," Peeta gently said into my ear.

We slept soundly and when I woke up the next morning, I tasted salt. Oh right, baker cum. It was all over the pillow. Oh well, I'll just leave it there. I went up to get breakypoo and realized I felt a huge piece of bread up my ass. Peeta. BUT JK I HAVE TO POOP! I took the most MASSIVE shit you would ever have seen. I went upstairs to see Peeniss, and she was dead, cause of all the vodka she drank. That's okay, I'm pregnant again! THANKS PEETA!

THE END CAUSE I'M SLEEPY AND BORED. DON'T JUDGE THIS IS A JOKE. I NEED 100 REVIEWS FOR A SEQUEL!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter dos, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. We'll see soon.**

Dude, I'm like, 8 1/2 months preggos now, thanks to Peeta's explosion inside me. When Peeta found out Peeniss died, he didn't really understand, like a young child when their pet Sparky dies. He sat at her crib, waiting for her to come back. I didn't know how to tell him, so I did it in song. It was more of a rap though. Then he understood. Now, we've both moved on.

Today, I woke up to the smell of dericious bread baking, oh wait, it was actually Peeta getting baked. After I told him I was preggo, we both started doing drugs. We thought it was best for the baby.

I got up to see how much of my dope he was jacking, and fell down the stairs. I don't really get walking anymore since I can't even see my feet these days. I hate babies. And children. Except for Prim. PRRIIIMMM NOOOOO! Anyway, Peeta said, "HOLA KATNISS COMO ESTAS!" "My god Peeta just because we don't have a baby doesn't mean you can still drink the Benadryl," I screamed at him. "Sorry bro," he said, "Dude want to share?" "Hell's yeee bro!" I answered.

As we finished up what was left in the bong, Peeta started cooking lunch. Totally safe when you're high, I looked it up. I decided to go hunting to wind down from all the stress of inhaling and exhaling. When I got to my usual hunting area, I saw a deer. "FUCK YEAH DIN-DINS AHEAD!" I screamed. The deer started moving so I had to take my shot. "FUCK I SHOT MY BABY!" I yelled. Damn baby always getting in the way. Well, now it might be dead.

I rushed home to Peeta singing "Sweet Caroline" and eating bread. The usual. "PEETA I SHOT MY BABY! TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL," I gently said to him. He replied, "HOLY SHIT BITCH WHAT THE FUCK OKAY LETS GET TO THE HOSPITAL." Since my mom is conveniently a doctor in district 4, (bitch), we flew there in .002 seconds cause WE LIVIN IN THE FUTURE!

When we got there, My madre was like, "HOLY SHIT KATNISS YOU DUMBASS WHAT HAPPENED!" I was too tired from inhaling and exhaling so Peeta tried to explain. "See, she went hunting by herself, and she was about to shoot a deer, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked," he casually said. "FOR FUCKS SAKE PEETA STOP DRINKING BENADRYL THE FIRE NATION WAS NOT THERE GODDAMMIT," I said. My mom broke in, "Honestly I have no fucking idea what you're talking about but bitch you need a C-section right now.

We got into the medical room place where they pull baybees out of bitches vajayjays. They put me to sleep so I wouldn't kick them in the face since I'm an "asshole." When I woke up, the wittle nigga was free. Peeta said, "Good job bitch, it's a girl. Now I have an exuse to drink Benadryl again! Yay! But anyway, what do you want to name her?" I took a moment to think before I replied, "Simba."

Peeta took her, held her to the sky, and all the doctors and patients got on one knee before the next king of the Fire Nation. It was the best time of my life. They said I could go home in a few days, and said even though I smoked a lot of weed, the baby came out healthy, rather than the gaping hole in her abdomen they sewed shut. All in all, I wouldn't have changed it one bit, since I didn't even have to break open my vag with a baby's head.

When we got home a few days later, I told Peeta it would be best to introduce the baby into hardcore drugs when we were going to do them oursleves, so it would be easier for all of us. Also, I told him never to touch the Benadryl again, and he agreed, probably since we were out of Benadryl. Fuck.

IM DONE NOW BYE BYE.


End file.
